Annalogue
by Freelancestoryteller
Summary: Mrs. Hudson had found a baby left on her doorstep, but she is going on holiday for two weeks! Babysitters, Sherlock and John to the rescue...or not. Not romantic yet IS NOW! , it could turn out to be but how Sherlock and John manage a very small baby and the effects it has on each other. Attempt at humour!
1. Chapter 1

**Mrs. Hudson found a baby left on her doorstep, but when she goes away on holiday, it is up to John and Sherlock to care for her. Not sure if it will turn romantic yet, I'll see how this goes!**

'Mrs. Hudson, I simply can't take it off of your hands, I have too much to do, this game has no pause button!' Sherlock complained staring at the pink bundle in Mrs. Hudson's arms that began to wriggle.

'It's a baby dear, a 'she', not an 'it'.' The landlady sighed. 'It will only be for two weeks, I'm sure John would love a baby around! Where is safer than around a doctor?' she argued trying to change Sherlock's frame of mind. The baby was staying with them whether they like it or not, but it would be best if the men of 221B thought it a positive.

'But she can't even walk yet, babies are boring.' The detective complained. Mrs. Hudson's face smirked a little.

'You think babies are boring?' she enquired.

'Positively dull.' He confirmed.

'I bet you can't last one week looking after a child.' She challenged.

'No bother whatsoever.' Sherlock nodded.

*THREE HOURS LATER*

'John, get the door.' Sherlock instructed. John looked at him confused, he hadn't heard anything.

[Knock, knock, knock.]

_Ah. _He thought as he went to answer. As John opened the door, a bundle of wool was thrust into his arms by his landlady.

'Sorry dear, Taxi's waiting and I still have to go and fetch Mrs. Turner, everything you need is in a bag here by the door, any questions?' she said hurriedly.

'No Mrs. Hudson, have fun in Greece.' Sherlock dismissed as she dashed out of the door. John stood, shell-shocked.

'Sherlock?'

'Yes John.'

'Why am I holding a child?'

Sherlock looked up from his microscope and sighed.

'The child was left on Mrs. Hudson's doorstep three days ago, however Mrs. Hudson is going abroad with Mrs. Turner for two weeks. She said I wouldn't cope with a child in the apartment, but I am determined to prove her wrong.' Sherlock explained as if it was obvious.

John stood like a lemon, trying to process this new information. He would admit that he was slightly concerned with the thought of Sherlock and a child under the same roof, but the new challenge would be wonderful and John was great with children.

'Err, Sherlock, what is her name? I'm presuming it's a 'her' from the pink.' John asked hoping that Sherlock wasn't going to patronize his simple deduction, but his roommate held his tongue.

'Name? I don't think she has a name. Mrs. Hudson may have named her but I don't know what.' Sherlock commented passively. 'She hasn't been here long, she won't be accustomed to her name whatever it is, what shall we name her?'

'Well we can't call her Hamish.' John thought allowed. Sherlock scanned the room for ideas, when his eyes fixed back to his microscope.

_Analogue microscope_

'What about Anna?' Sherlock suggested.

'That's a nice name, not too old, not too crazy like some names you hear about.' John agreed.

At that moment the ball in John's arms began to wail. A high pitched sound that wasn't too loud, indicating that the lungs are not fully developed. John estimated that the baby was around 2 weeks old. John and Sherlock looked at each other, looking for an answer. When they both realised that their roommate was helpless they started to unwrap the baby from the confines of the blanket and Sherlock lifted her out of Johns arms, but holding her at arms length for a moment.

'John, see if she needs changing.' The detective instructed.

'Why can't you?' John challenged over the screaming child. If one thing was for certain, John was not going to do all the hard work whilst Sherlock got the glory from Mrs. Hudson.

'Because I am holding her.' Sherlock pointed out. John sighed.

'She is probably just hot, Mrs. Hudson wrapped her up like a Christmas present, and that baby grow is far too thick.' John rooted through the bag the child came with and found a baby mat and a baby grow made out of lighter material. He spread out the mat on the rug and confiscated the baby from Sherlock and laid her down and began to change her.

'You know...' John said. 'The time will come when she needs to be changed. I'm not doing it every time.' The doctor stated. 'I will also tell Mrs. Hudson that you couldn't handle her if you don't.'

'Fine.' Sherlock huffed as he walked back over to his microscope.

'Oh no you don't! We have to sort things out, where will she sleep?'

'Well we have a Moses basket, but she can't stay in your room because of the stairs and I would be useless as when I do sleep, I am a heavy sleeper and won't be able to hear her if she wakes up.'

'Perfect, I get night duties as well. Wonderful.' John muttered bitterly.

'Would you rather I didn't sleep for 2 weeks?'

'NO! You have to sleep, I can't deal with two children.' John said, not wanting Sherlock to turn grumpy on him with the baby around.

'Why don't we swap rooms for the fortnight?' Sherlock suggested.

'You want me and a baby to inhabit your _room_ whilst you can't even keep your experiments out of our fridge? No thanks, we'll just have to get a baby gate.'

'Fine.' Sherlock said, then the two stood facing each other, not daring to blink,

'Go on then.' They both said at the same time, each expecting the other to leave.

'But that's _boring_.' Sherlock complained.

'Uh-oh, I think someone needs changing.' John went picking Anna up.

'So a small one? She's not too big is she, a small one will be fine. Bye John, bye Anna!' Sherlock said, suddenly changing his tune as he hurried out the door. John laughed and looked at Anna.

'Sherlock's silly, isn't he Anna!' John said in a baby voice, finding it hilarious that Sherlock fell for that. Anna gurgled happily but then stopped and pulled a face. John had been around enough baby patients to know what that face meant.

'Oh Anna!' John sighed going to pull out a nappy and baby wipes from the bag.

This is going to be a long two weeks he thought.

**Please review and give some ideas as what you want to see happen!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the almost no response to my first chapter :P But you are forgiven, as I am bored, therefore here is a second.**

'Sherlock I have an interview, all you need to do is watch her for half an hour without something disastrous happening.' John pleaded. He had scheduled an interview for another GP practice that did not require him to start until next month, so he will not be working in the duration of Anna's stay with them.

'John, I am perfectly capable of looking after a small baby with nobody else to help if a disaster occurs, the only question John, is are you willing to let me?' Sherlock asked in a monotone voice, wearing a poker face.

'Oh no Sherlock, you are not playing your mind games on me today.' John huffed, grabbing his coat and phone. He had laid out on the kitchen table, everything Sherlock could possibly need. He ran through the items, checking them off his mental list.

_Nappies_

_Baby wipes_

_Bottles, made up with microwave instructions attached_

_Toys acquired from Lestrade_

_Baby mat_

_A note with the emergency services number written on._

John bid them both farewell and hurried out of the door, in the hope that the sooner he left, the sooner he would return, leaving Sherlock and Anna alone.

Anna had been watching a documentary with Sherlock in a bouncer that Lestrade lent to them,(which used to belong to his son) when John left and she was quiet. He guessed that the colours of the chemicals were soothing her. 5 minutes after John left, the program ended and Anna started to cry, much to Sherlock's dismay.

'Shhhh!' he hissed on impulse. Sherlock disliked children generally, he knew they couldn't help it, but all they did was cry and cause distress for everyone around them, but then he remembered that the child had to be approached with care, otherwise Mrs. Hudson will have been right. He entered his mind palace.

_Subject: __**Babies**_

_Area: __**Opinions**_

_**Existing babies met**_

_**Health and well being (selected)**_

_Topic:_

_**Illness**_

_**Not eating **_

_**Crying (selected)**_

_Reasons could include:_

_**Fatigue**_

_**Nappy needs changing**_

_**Illness**_

_**Hungry**_

_**Discomfort**_

_**Unhappy/lonely**_

Sherlock mentally crossed off fatigue and illness, Anna slept like a log and John had given the baby a thorough examination after a scare the previous night. Sherlock looked at the crying baby, she didn't look uncomfortable, she had been sat there for the past hour and a half quite happily. Sherlock really didn't fancy checking for a dirty nappy and she had been fed by John before he left. So Sherlock decided that she must have been unhappy or lonely. He sighed and picked up the screaming baby into his arms, proud that he could now hold Anna as a baby should be held as apposed to dangling her by her armpits at arms length. The detective awkwardly bounced the child in his arms, anxious of dropping her and stressed by the fact that it was up to him to stop her crying, yet Anna only seemed to scream louder. 10 minutes of tears went by, shed by Anna and almost Sherlock before he put her back in the bouncer, still screaming at the top of her lungs.

John was sat in the waiting room for his interview when his phone vibrated in his jacket pocket.

**She hates me, I picked her up because she was lonely and she just screamed more. – SH**

_Just pick her up again, but stop being stressed, babies can sense distress, which causes them to be upset. – JW_

**That's ridiculous, it will never work.- SH**

_Just try, I'm going into my interview now, have fun!- JW_

Sherlock huffed, it would be just like John to leave him at a time like this. Well it doesn't matter, there was no-way something as feeble-minded as a baby can deduce the distress of the one holding it. Sherlock moved over to the table on which John had laid supplies. He picked up a toy telephone and removed the batteries from it so that Anna could play and he would not be disturbed whilst predicting the Jeremy Kyle outcomes.

5 minutes later Anna was banging the telephone into the telephone holder repeatedly and then she pushed the entire toy off the tray in front of her. Sherlock sighed and bent down to pick it up, straining to hear the television. A few seconds after sitting down, Sherlock was forced to get up, as she had pushed the phone down again. Anna had made a game of this and Sherlock was not going to be pulled around like a puppet on a string by an infant, therefore the phone was taken off her, and the waterworks began again.

Sherlock sighed and looked back over to the toys on display. All of them were either musical, or interactive or made some sort of noise. He sighed, but then had an idea. Up in the top shelf of his wardrobe, Sherlock had a fluffy teddy bear that he kidnapped from Mycroft when he was seven. He went and got it to give to Anna. She took it wilfully and smiled at the large, fuzzy, brown bear.

_Success _Sherlock thought. A moment later there was a knock on the door. Sherlock peered out of the window to see who it could be, it was John, who must have forgotten his key. The detective ran downstairs to open the door.

'Where's Anna?' asked John, clearly worried about the child's whereabouts if not with Sherlock.

'In the bouncer upstairs.' Sherlock replied, before proudly adding 'she is quiet, and I didn't even need to hold her.' The two men made there way upstairs and into the living room where they both looked at Anna in the bouncer, Sherlock smiling, John scared and running towards her, snatching the teddy away from her.

'SHERLOCK YOU CAN'T GIVE A BABY A FUZZY ANIMAL! SHE COULD CHOKE ON THE FUR!' he exclaimed angrily over the cries of Anna after the removal of her bear.

'Sorry! But it kept her quiet, and she doesn't have any teeth yet!' Sherlock fought back as the baby between them started to scream louder.

'I told you to comfort her, not give her a choking hazard!'

'Babies can't deduce fear.' Sherlock stated offhandedly.

'It's instinct Sherlock! Try it, consider it an experiment.' John challenged.

'Fine.' Sherlock picked up the screaming baby, after taking three deep breaths to calm himself down. The baby cried in his arms for a few moments, before the screams turned into gurgles, then gurgles into silence. Sherlock smiled.

'Wow, you can be good!' he cooed, giving her a gentle bop on the nose, causing her to giggle. 'Do you like that?' Sherlock asked before bopping her nose again, causing her to laugh a little louder. 'John, come and look at this.' Sherlock instructed.

John walked over next to Sherlock and into the babies view and sure enough, Anna began to cry. John looked shocked, as he had been the favourite over the past two days.

'What did I do?' he asked, looking slightly grumpy that she cried upon seeing him.

'You took her teddy away, insulting her intelligence.' Sherlock explained.

'Intelligence?'

'She isn't stupid, she knows not to eat a bear. Anna is a genius child, not like those common babies you have in the hospital.' Sherlock said bopping her on the nose one more time, causing her to giggle once more. John just sighed.

'Don't tell me you have let a baby effect your emotions.' He teased accusingly.

'Correction, a _genius_ baby is acceptable. I thought you would be pleased, is this not what you wanted?' he asked once again confused by the sociology of the situation.

'Yes, it is.' John sighed 'I just wish that she didn't have to dislike me to like you.'

'She'll come around, here, try holding her again.' Sherlock moved Anna towards John and she screamed. 'Come on, Uncle John isn't that scary.' The detective said, placing his arm on John's shoulder, whilst passing her to the doctor with the other. Anna went willingly, facial expression still slightly displeased, but no longer upset.

'How did you do that?' John asked.

'She is a genius baby and can sense upset, so a placed my hand on your shoulder to show that we weren't fighting anymore, so she wasn't as scared.' Sherlock explained.

'Yes, I'm sure she is the only baby who realises this.' John muttered sarcastically, but then he repeated Sherlock's action of bopping her gently on the nose, triggering a grin, the second causing her to gurgle happily, much to Johns amusement. 'So I'm uncle John then? Are you uncle Sherlock?'

'Of course we are, I'm not sure when Mrs. Hudson calls herself though.' Sherlock said.

At that moment, both men had the same thought.

_I'm going to get her to call me dada first._

**Hey! Next chapter will be Sherlock and John trying to teach her to say 'dada' whilst the other isn't around! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**SORRY for the delay! Back to school with a MILLION hours of homework every night **** Here is chapter...I can't even remember, but here it is!**

Ever since Sherlock's sudden fascination with Anna, the consulting detective had spent almost every spare moment talking at her, trying to teach her words. Much to his frustration, the baby was loud, but not in a good way. The only sounds she made were gurgle noises and crying. When ever Sherlock and John were in the room with her, they tried to get her to say 'uncle'. But the furthest she got was saying 'unnnnnnnnnnnnne' which caused them both to smile a little, she was making progress at least.

As much as Sherlock was happy that John was helping him care for Anna, he couldn't help but feel like he was competing with him for her affection. John was the one that did everything for her, who knew what toys she liked to play with, what TV show calmed her down. Surely she favoured him, that's why Sherlock wanted her to call him 'dada', so he could at least _feel_ special. Sherlock would be considered special to her eventually, when she was older. He would teach her how to deduce everything about people and how to tell her if her potential partner's would be faithful ect. but for now, a simple word would suffice.

This is why as soon as John left to stock up on nappies and baby food, Sherlock lowered himself to Anna's level, who was sitting in her bounces, fiddling with the building blocks on the tray before her.

'Anna.' Sherlock said getting the baby to look up at him. 'Can you say 'dada'?' Sherlock asked, not really expecting anything, which was wise, as the only response he received was a giggle as the tower of building blocks toppled over. Sherlock sighed. 'Anna, come on, da-da.' He emphasised. Anna opened her mouth, as if to say something, but then the tweenies theme song interrupted her, causing her to exclaim in joy that her favourite program was beginning. Sherlock rolled his eyes, knowing that the TV would have her attention for the next half an hour and by that time, John would have returned.

A quarter of an hour later, John walked in equipped with baby Anna's supplies.

'Sherlock, you must have your phone with you all time whilst Anna is with us, what if something goes wrong?' John questioned, slightly angry. 'Lestrade had been calling you, he wants you to go and solve a case, a school has been set on fire, suspected arson.' John explained.

'Wow, that's a 9, I haven't had a case in ages, will you be okay with Anna for a while, I won't take long for me to find the student with a bad relationship with the head teacher and that lives in a rough area.' Sherlock said putting his coat on, not waiting for an answer, nor explaining how he deduced what type of person did it.

'Yeah sure, have fun.' John grumbled, putting his shopping away. John then made up a bottle and fed Anna for a while, before burping her and sitting her on his knee. John decided to try and get her speaking again.

'Anna, say UNCLE.' He said slowly.

'NNULLE' she replied., this process repeated itself three times, before John decided to try a different word.

'Can you say dada?' he asked hesitantly, guilty that he was taking this away from Sherlock, but it's something he would really like. But Anna gave no response at all.

'Come on Anna, DADA.' John encouraged, but as he did, Anna's eyes drooped and her head fell against Johns arm as she fell asleep. John sighed happily, glad she wasn't picking up on Sherlock's terrible sleeping habits and he just thought she looked adorable. He felt proud that the pair had lasted this long with a baby. John put Anna up into her cot and turned on the new baby monitor he bought, so that they could hear her cry.

Somewhat later, Sherlock arrived back at the flat with a spring in his step. He swanned into the living room with a grin on his face.

'John, I was wrong! It was the head mistress that burned down the school, she was going through a messy divorce and her teenage son had run away, so in a fit of despair, she burned down the school!' he said grinning. John was shocked that Sherlock could find this a good thing, but kept quiet, as not to disrupt his flatmates happiness.

'Well Anna is asleep, I put her to bed about an hour ago.' John mentioned before Sherlock asked.

Sherlock smiled at his flat mate as they both took a seat in their respective armchairs.

'It's nice to have a sit down, I haven't since Anna has been here.' John sighed, leaning his head back into the chair.

'You're so good with her, you make a good dad...not a useful one, but not terrible.' Sherlock commented.

'Thank you.' John said, knowing it was Sherlock's warped way of complimenting him. 'You don't think you're good with her do you?' John deduced from Sherlock's frown.

'Well John, you know what I am. A sociopath. There is no way on Earth I can be near children without something bad happening eventually.' Sherlock sighed, but John was in complete disagreement.

'Sherlock, this baby has been nothing but good for you. Since Anna has been here, you have started to think about her and her needs, you do that because she is vulnerable. Most people care for _everyone's_ needs, she has helped you understand that there are other people to consider.'

Sherlock looked puzzled. 'So what you are saying is that if I have people close to me that I care about, I am not as bad as I think I am?'

'Well yes.' John said. 'If Anna is that person, then she can only be good.'

'She's not the only person I care about.' Sherlock stated. 'You're close to me too, don't forget that.'

John smiled a little. 'Yes Sherlock, but I don't need to be taken care of.'

'You should be taken care of though John.' Sherlock sighed. 'You shouldn't have to cope with me and a baby on your own. Surely you just want me to go away sometimes.'

John stood up from his seat and walked over to Sherlock' armchair.

'Sherlock Holmes, don't you ever think that you are a burden to me in the slightest. You have shown me all sorts of things I never thought I'd do and you have given me company, a place to live, you even got rid of my limp for crying out loud!' John said putting a hand on his shoulder. 'You are just as good and work just as hard as me, so stop this nonsense. If I need someone to take care of me and you need someone to take care of you, we can take care of each other.' John said, leaning down to give Sherlock a hug for comfort. A few seconds later, John began to pull away, but Sherlock pulled him back quickly, causing him to loose his footing and land on his flatmates lap, but thankful that Sherlock had shown some sort of emotion, he allowed himself to be hugged by the taller man.

'Thank you.' Sherlock whispered, pulling back to look John in the eye. 'You really are the best friend I've ever had.' Sherlock choked a little and John thought he could see the ice blue eyes of the detective well up a little. John's heart swelled at the sight of the man, who for once looked so vulnerable. So in an effort to make the tears go away, John leant forward and allowed Sherlock's lips to touch his gently. The kiss couldn't have lasted more than a second, but during that second, both men felt sparks fly. John pulled away and leant his forehead on Sherlock's, both men were smiling. Their eyes met for a moment, taking in one another's smiles of satisfaction, before their lips met again, in a slightly more confident, less experimental kiss. John's hands curled into fists around Sherlock's hair, as Sherlock let his hands roam around the back of John's jumper. A few seconds later, there was a knock at the door.

'Shut up!' Sherlock exclaimed. John let out a breathy giggle and he dismounted Sherlock's lap in order to answer the door. Sherlock sat back in his chair, reliving the past few moments in his head, smiling lightly to himself.

'Go away.' Sherlock heard John say sternly in his military voice. There was shuffling from the hallway and then he heard John shouting in protest of something. A few seconds later, Jim Moriarty barged through the doorway.

'Hello Sherlock! How are we today? I hope I didn't disrupt you too.' Moriarty said in an attempt to tease the two, little did he know that he actually did.

'Not now Moriarty, I'm extremely busy.' Sherlock said, aiming to get him out of the flat before he learned of Anna's existence.

'Now now Sherlock, don't be a bore!' Jim exclaimed louder than necessary. A few seconds later a babies cry was heard through the monitor.

'What do you have hidden up there Sherlock?' Moriarty questioned with a crazed look in his eye. He began to run up the stairs towards John's room, with the other two hot on his tail.

'You know it's so nice that the gays can adopt.' Moriarty chortled opening the door to find Anna in her cot, thrashing in her pink blanket and crying. When she looked up and saw Moriarty looking over her, she went silent.

'Dada.' She said.

**...FIN! JUST KIDDING, I thought I'd be a troll and leave you hanging...I know I said I was not going to make this Johnlock, but I couldn't help myself! Please review.**


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